The Bachelor Review: Week 9

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**This is the review of week 9 on The Bachelor, told from a football writer’s perspective.  Being that my wife is a huge fan, and we regularly have our home invaded with wine-chugging thrill seekers, I figured why not give the show a review from the male perspective.**


Welcome to fantasy suites!

Colton dropped a bomb on #bachelornation by sending Caelynn home last week. 

Remember we write this as the show is airing. I’m reacting to everything as watching!

Colton opens up with his shirt on! Is this the first episode it has happened?

Let’s head to Portugal for Colton to find love. Do they travel with Colton? When there’s 15 people, I would assume not. But at this point? A 14 hour flight may be good opportunity to grow…

Tayisha is the first date. She has a great smile but, sheesh, she smiles so much it seems fake.

Helicopter ride? Seems like a waste of time. So hard to talk and at this point you really need to talk. Oh wait, the point of this show really isn’t about getting engaged. 

Moving on…

This date has been so boring. There’s 0 chance they had sex. Morning after looks awkward. Neither looks like they got what they needed. She’s out. 

Now onto Cassie. Colton says “I want to be in love with Cassie.” Awwww just what every girl wants to hear!…

Date is overall pretty boring. Colton is grabbing her butt the whole time. Telling cameras he loves her and wants to have sex. 

Colton drops the bomb on Cassie: her dad did not give him the blessing to propose to his daughter! She seems shocked and now questions everything. 

Gosh, it’s almost like she’s 23… been on two related dating shows… and isn’t ready to settle down… Oh wait… 

Getting ready for the night cap and, boom, Matt big dawg Randolph shows up! Cassie has a camera crew in her room so she had to know something was up… or is that naive? 

While it’s awesome Matt came to Portugal, do you think saving days of traveling for 1 convo would maybe been better? Just speculating.  

Matt explains to Cassie that you don’t marry someone you don’t love… Cassie seems shocked by this. 

Cassie being on two reality shows makes it clear that she is searching for fame. 

(Have to pay off those master classes somehow! Am I right?!)

Soon she will flood your Instagram feed with diet teas, sunglasses, and hair vitamins. 

Cassie tells Colton her dad came and his heart sunk! He looks at the producers and seems so confused why he wasn’t informed about this. 

Cassie tells Colton that she doesn’t love him. She doesn’t want to continue on the show. She acts like a child and seems so confused on how she feels. 

Colton, to his credit, acts mature and settled her down so they can talk. 

Cassie is telling Colton there’s no way she can get engaged in 2 weeks. He’s giving her an out and saying that it isn’t necessary. 

Again, to Colton’s credit, he’s handling this very well. Cassie is seriously in her head right now. 

I believe that she was hoping he was way more into one of the other girls and this goodbye would be easier. 

After what was probably hours of talking, Cassie leaves the show. I don’t know what happens now with the other two…?

Chris Harrison was forced to wake up out of his sleep to chase Colton down! 

He has jumped the fence and running free in the streets of Portugal! LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! COLTON HAS JUMPED THE FENCE!

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