Conspiracy Theory Saturdays: JonBenet Ramsey Is Katy Perry

No comments

Last year between football ending and baseball starting, I had a good amount of free time on my hands. I was browsing on Reddit when I ran across an incredible thread about the Denver airport being a cover for a government run protection bunker of sorts.

I began cataloging different conspiracy theories that I heard about during the course of the year, knowing that I wanted to blog about some of the most absurd theories. Once I started talking to people about this idea, conspiracy theories started coming out of the woodwork. I couldn’t note them down fast enough.

I want to be incredibly clear. I am only blogging about the conspiracy theory for the sake of laughs. I do not believe in most of these theories. They are just that: theories.

Image result for jonbenet ramsey katy perry

The Theory: JonBenet Ramsey, former child beauty pageant winner, was “murdered by her parents”. The child’s death was a hoax and JBR was actually kidnapped, and later came back in to the spot light as Katy Perry.

What The Truthers Say: On Christmas, 1996, JonBenet Ramsey was murdered in her family home in Colorado. She was later found in the basement by her father, more than 6 hours later. There was evidence that she was choked and beaten to death. The parents were the main suspects, however the case was never solved. A few short years later, Katy Perry, international super star, appeared out of thin air, to sing California Gurls.

The theorists out there will tell you that JonBenet Ramsey was actually kidnapped and her parents managed to cover it up, later trotting her out to sing hit singles and change the pop music landscape.

The Commentary: This is quite the conspiracy theory. I had not heard about this one until someone brought it to my attention and I abruptly told them to pump the brakes for a second and explain more.

Aside from a child being gruesomely murdered, this theory is just wild. I’m not sure what is harder to wrap my head around: what it would be like if this theory were true, or how messed up the parents would have to be to make this happen. Of course, while the parents were not proven to have murdered the child, specifically, it would take the same amount of crazy to have her kidnapped, stage a murder and then put her on display to the world to sing Teenage Dream.

Just for a second, though, humor me. Take a look at the picture above. They do look shockingly similar, especially around the eye line. The eyebrows have a similar shape and the cheek bones are almost uncanny.

I remember when this murder story happened in 1996. The story was plastered all over the news, and keep in mind that this was far before social media. I specifically remember this story being in every magazine and tabloid as well, which makes sense considering a little girl was murdered.

The math does add up to in some strange ways, however. JonBenet Ramsey was 6 years old when she was murdered in 1996. Katy Perry’s first top 10 hit, I Kissed A Girl debuted in April 2008.

JonBenet Ramsey would have been 18 years old when this song was released. Katy Perry was 23 years old when it dropped, which isn’t a far cry from 18. Obviously there is a fine line between those ages, and I’m not even going to try to start guessing women’s ages, but it is an interesting parallel.

The Verdict: This is a very sad story, overall. The parents of JonBenet Ramsey were clearly crazy, and something sinister happened, no matter how you slice it up. But JonBenet actually being Katy Perry is an astoundingly good conspiracy theory that will remain in the pantheon of amazing things that have come from the internet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s