Ben Baseball vs. the Anti-Theft Security Tags

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One man’s journey to buy discounted apparel and the problems that undermine him.

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that you are a 31 year old father of 2. You work a good job, make honest wages, help run a media empire but when it comes time to update the old wardrobe, you can’t really justify spending $30 to $50 on a nice button up. After all, that saved money could be used to buy many Brunchables.

This sets up a situation in which my shirts came to be located in the freezer, just behind the soy bacon, and to the right of the ice cream.

Context: my wife found an amazing store where you buy steep discounted items that were clearance-d out of large retailers. For example – a store with a bullseye, or a republic of yellow fruit, or even store that could be synonymous with a “void – to fall into.”

Upon shopping at this store, I purchased name brand fitted skinny jeans, 2 work shirts, and a sick plaid number, all for $36. That’s right, Sensibly Loud family, this store is the jam.

There is no such thing as a “free lunch” however, because when I got home I learned that 2 shirts still had security tags on the right sleeve. You know, the big, magnetic, ink-filled numbers that wish to engage in equal parts loss prevention and mass destruction.

“Not to worry!” I thought, believing a few quick google searches would lead me to success. Some results for “how to remove security tags” led me to guessing about the effectiveness of rubber bands, or curious as to if I had strong enough magnets in my kids play area to override the pull of a shirt tag. I finally landed on a “freeze and break it” type of idea. If you freeze the tag, the ink cant run. So if/when you break it off, you will not spill ink on your new, name-brand shirt.

So that is what I did. I moved some frozen pizzas and tried to explain to my wife why there will be some dress shirts near our waffles.

I was in shock that this method actually worked! 48 hours later, I could be found using two sets of pliers to quickly remove these security tags.

I even got 2-3 compliments the first time I wore these new shirts to work.

Take that, big-box retailers.

Author’s note: the methods described or used in this article are only to be applied if you are unable to return a legally purchased shirt to it’s point of origin to have a tag properly removed. Stealing is illegal. Sensibly loud media does not condone or encourage shoplifting, larceny, or any other form of stealing/theft.