A Rough Day at the Ball Game

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How I almost started a fight at Globe Life Park

I have a bone to pick, Sensibly Loud family. This past Wednesday, my wife surprised me with tickets to the final game between the Angles and Rangers in Arlington.

The tickets were free. The park was almost empty (due to a threat of rain – more on that for another blog) and a friendly ballpark attendant encouraged the four of us (our two kids, ages 6 and 4 were with us) to move to amazing seats behind the Angles bullpen in left-center field.

When I was a kid, I loved sitting by the bullpen. Even at 31, the prospect of interacting with MLB players is pretty cool. So I was stoked to be able to show my kids how the pitchers stretch, warm up, and interact with fans. Worth noting: there were a decent amount of Angels fans nearby.

That is when the heckling started. A man who was masking his masculine insecurities behind a beard and “come and take it” shirt was at least 7 beers deep and loudly hurling insults at the Angles players. Now, I love a good insult and I understand that opposing teams are expected to put up with a friendly amount of taunting at the opponents ball park. With that in mind, I also know the difference between the things you should say at an all ages sports venue and what you may say at a bar or frat house. So when this wannabe Keystone Cop yelled at the relief pitcher, “your sister cums faster than your pitch!” And the all-ages audience gasps at the audacity of an admittedly brilliant line, I decided it was time for us to move.

On our way up the steps, I hollered over to this Neanderthal that he needs to tone it down, he is making Texas look bad. He told me I need to, “grow a pair and get over it” I reminded him that there are kids around and gestured to my two younglings following me up the stairs. At this point, he suggested I drop them off at the nearest orphanage.

Now, let it be known that I am a reasonable guy. While everything in me wanted to tell him I cant understand him with his head so far up his tail pipe, or that he should remove the dildo from his mouth if he wants to be heard, I selected a higher road. This is likely due to my kids holding my hands, and asking “what is that man yelling about?”

There are many lessons I am still trying to gleam from this interaction, like trying to understand what made him feel so poorly about himself that he felt the urge to vulgarly belittle a professional athlete after summoning 90 oz of liquid courage. Or if my kids would not have been with me, would I have still taken the high road? The only thing I know is the Rangers swept the Angels after their win on Wednesday.

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